On the Horizon
by Ryeloza
Summary: .She loved him so intensely it overwhelmed her. So intensely it scared her sometimes. Piper reflects...


Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own _Charmed_ or any of its characters. I'm just playing.

Setting: Post-"Carpe Demon"

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On the Horizon**

by Ryeloza

Piper couldn't remember a more confusing point in her relationship with Leo. A time when she had felt more conflicted about how to act, what to do. The turmoil was literally ripping her apart.

Although...there was that point in the beginning of their relationship. Those five months in between the time Leo broke up with her and she found out he was a Whitelighter. When she'd known that it was over, but couldn't help feeling that it wasn't _really_ over. That no matter what she did or how many times she told herself that she couldn't be with Leo, some small part of her held on to what had quickly been blossoming into love. That had certainly been confusing.

And there was also that time right after that, when they had been desperately trying to define the line between their working relationship and their romantic relationship. That had been an odd time too. Knowing that what they were doing was forbidden (although at that point not quite realizing just how forbidden), and battling with the little voice in her head that said relationships shouldn't be so hard. And the whole time feeling so much love. So much it was almost desperate. Looking back she wanted to laugh at herself. She hadn't known anything about how hard a relationship could be; she hadn't known anything about how much she loved Leo. Because if she had, she wouldn't have left him for Dan.

That time with Dan had been confusing too. Always that tickle in the back of her mind, reminding her that she still loved Leo, yet trying to focus on the present. On what was right in front of her. It had effected her entire relationship with Dan. He had always been suspicious, jealous, and there had been so many lies. But she had loved him; at least part of her had. It hadn't compared to Leo, though, and that was what she had slowly come to realize.

And when then that summer they went Up There-

Oh, who was she kidding? Their entire relationship had been one confusing mess of emotions. From the moment she met him, Leo had imbedded himself in her inexorably, and she would never be rid of him. She loved him so intensely it overwhelmed her. So intensely it scared her sometimes.

Maybe it would be easier to think of a time she hadn't been confused about their relationship. She looked out of the car window at the sky and rested her hand on her chin. Sadly, all she could come up with was the time after he had become an Elder. Not right after, of course; but after the spell had worn off and the pain had come flooding back. At that time, it hadn't been confusing at all because it was as simple as this: she loved Leo, but he was gone forever, and there was not a damn thing she could do about it. There had been no pretending, no conflict. It was simply fact.

That fall had been the hardest since Prue died, though. Phoebe and Paige prodded at her to "get back on the saddle" and date again. She hadn't wanted to. She wasn't over Leo, and she was so intent on looking after Wyatt that dating seemed inconsequential. But her sisters seemed to think it was necessary for her survival. So she had agreed, and somehow a guy was dug up for her to go out with.

At first, the interruptions, the "family emergencies," had been welcome. They were legitimate excuses to leave dates earlier, to pull out before anyone got too attached. Sure, she had complained, put up a good front, but it had all been for show. It was all expected. And Phoebe and Paige didn't see anything wrong with it. She wasn't surprised; they were the ones who had perfected the technique.

Eventually, the "family emergency" excuse got old, though. So she had used Wyatt as an excuse, and he had been more than happy to help. She still wasn't sure if it was Leo or Chris who had taught him how to orb out his eyes, but it had been perfectly convenient at the time.

After that, though, all put offs became old, and she began to feel very tired and very alone. And it was so hard seeing Leo all the time. And then Greg had come along, and things clicked with him, so she decided to keep it going. That, finally, got her sisters off her back.

The thing was, though, she hadn't felt one-one hundredth of what she felt for Leo with Greg. Hell, she hadn't even felt one-one hundredth of what she felt for _Dan_ with Greg. He simply served a purpose.

It was around then that it dawned on her how tired and sad she felt all the time. How depressed she was. She went through each day monotonously, moving from one point to another. Life became utterly routine.

Then her sisters moved out of the manor, and life got a little better.

God, it still hurt to admit that. Her sisters were everything to her. They were her lifelines. But part of her had been glad to see them go, and she was still sick with guilt to admit it. Without them there, she had been free to let her imagination go a little. There was no one there to say, "Piper, aren't you going out with Greg tonight?" or "How's Greg doing?" or "Have you seen Greg lately? When was the last time you two went out?" or "Have you slept together yet?" And with no one to answer to, she stopped trying to find answers to those questions, and gradually tried to cut off her relationship with the fireman.

And with Leo still constantly hanging around, it had been easy to fall into old patterns and _pretend_ they were still a happy family.

Phoebe and Paige came home for Christmas a few weeks later, though, and the questions began anew. "Is Greg coming to Christmas dinner, Piper?"

So on her birthday a couple weeks later, the dream had been all too easy a way to swear off men forever. To cut off her sisters, and give them what she saw as a legitimate excuse for them to stay out of her love life. She should have known better. They conjured that man-her "perfect" man (as if they knew)- and that had been the breaking point.

"Leave me the hell alone!" she wanted to shout. "You don't have any idea what it's like! You don't wake up every single day completely _alone_ and then look at the face of your child and see his father in him so intricately that you want to sob! You don't know!"

But she didn't.

And then Leo had given her that charm bracelet and that damn card. And she'd wanted to yell at him too.

"Why can't we be together? You're constantly around! You're down here more than you're Up There, so why can't we be together? You broke the rules for me once, why not now?"

But she didn't.

And then she'd wanted to hurt him. And she'd wanted to feel, something-anything. So she called up Greg, and over the next six weeks, tried to progress things as quickly as she could. And she'd seen the hurt on Leo's face and couldn't help but feel vindictive. It had been horrible.

But despite it all, she still loved Leo, and Greg must have figured it out, because he broke it off and she couldn't help but be relieved. And it had just made it all the easier to break down on Wyatt's birthday and be with Leo again. And finally (finally!) she could feel something!

Then Leo left and for sixth months, that was that. Being pregnant finally seemed to convince her sisters that she was off the dating market; that she wasn't over Leo.

But then Leo had come back and everything became confusing again. Which led her to now. Sitting in the car, feeling more torn than ever before.

Drake was right, she was guarding her heart. But she couldn't help it. She was afraid, so desperately afraid, of what was going to happen over the next few weeks that she didn't want to let her defenses down. She was acting manic about it; had been ever since Chris was born.

Knowing she could have Leo back, feeling so eager to have him hold her once again, had been bliss, and she'd gone after it full force. But he hadn't been ready. For once she was the one who was accepting, and he was the one grieving. So she had put everything on pause to bring him back. To be his rock, as he had been hers so many times before.

And then out of the blue he was fine, and her suspicions had been raised. Why did he suddenly get over it? What had happened? She was too much of an expert on grief not to see that this sudden change of heart was odd. So once again, she put things off...

And found out Leo was an Avatar. Unexpected, to say the least, but what they had said had seemed so right, so ideal. And Leo had been supporting it. Leo, who had never led them astray, who was wise and kind and hers. So she had gone along with it...

And been wrong. She couldn't have a demon-free world. She couldn't have a normal life. She was such a fool, not to have known it before. It seemed so glaringly obvious now. And she knew Leo felt deceived and awful too, but at least he was back on track. Except for the Elders.

She wanted to laugh. They had come full circle. Back to tiptoeing around the Elders, afraid to make a false move. But this time, it seemed as though there was so much more to lose. And the risk seemed much more imminent.

The past six months there had been gazes, touches, hugs, kisses, one night that had come awfully close to sex. But something was still off-kilter. Something was still not right. And she felt it all the time.

Tonight, though, tonight she was going to forget all of that. She was going to go out to dinner with her husband (God, it felt amazing to say that again!), and celebrate Valentine's day, and try to be happy, for just a few hours.

"Do you regret it?" she asked quietly.

Leo glanced at her quickly before setting his eyes back on the road. He always was an extremely cautious driver.

"Never," he said. "There hasn't been one moment I've regretted with you."

She smiled slightly, thrilled that he had known what she meant. That they still had that connection.

"Me either," she said. Then, softer, "Leo..."

"I know," he said. And he reached for her hand. "We're on the cusp of something, Piper. Soon. I can feel it."

And inside, she could feel it too.

-Fin-

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**Author's Notes:** I have had it up to here (holds hand as far above head as it can go) with the Piper/Leo UST! I'm about ready to throttle the writers. I was on the edge of my seat, just waiting for the Piper/Leo scene I was sure would end "Carpe Demon," only for the screen to fade to black. And I was appalled! I'm just sick to death of being teased about Piper and Leo's relationship this season, especially after having to see them apart for so long. I'm just...erg!

So this is my attempt to give us a teensy tiny bit of what we've been missing since season five. I hope all you lovely people enjoyed it.

Here's hoping things are resolved soon.

_Katie_


End file.
